


The Scars We Hide

by mushembra



Series: And He Finally Learned What Love and Kindness Meant [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Connor is best boyfriend, Desperation, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fowler does a goof and feels bad, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omorashi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regression, Wetting, fear wetting, i love these two so much, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 10:05:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15579531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushembra/pseuds/mushembra
Summary: Everyone has skeletons in their closet, everyone has something they hide. Gavin's is his repressed trauma from chilhood, and the resulting bladder injuries and disorders that came from itIt was a close guarded secret, one not a soul knew anything about. Until karma decided to kick him in the ass and out him in the most humiliating and public way





	The Scars We Hide

“Come on, come on…nnnngh…”

Gavin couldn’t focus. He couldn’t finish this report. Not with how heavy and aching his bladder was, demanding every ounce of his focus. And ordinarily he would have gone to taken care of his need long ago. But that was when he wasn’t in the Captain’s crosshairs. The morning hadn’t gone well, one thing spiraling down after another in some terrible domino effect he liked to call karma kicking his ass for everything going his way for once.

It all started when he woke up late after tossing and turning all night, Gavin’s mind filled with nightmares that refused to allow him rest. It happened every now and then, the shadow of a cruel monster dogging him at his heels rearing it’s ugly head. Despite being a man of average to slightly taller than average height, the presence always loomed so much larger than he did, oppressive, overpowering, threatening to destroy the thin veneer of self-confidence he managed to plaster together in his adulthood. It’s been many years since he ran away from his father’s home at the age of 18, and yet his venomous words, the physical and emotional suffering he caused, it was ever present and ready to put Gavin in his place at a moment’s notice.

Gavin had hoped waking up late would be the worst of it, that just maybe he could salvage his day from there. But of fucking course not. Because following a night of remembering filthy words and cruel hands, rolling into a morning where he rushed to get ready before throwing himself into Detroit traffic, his body made it known he forgot to follow one of his most sacred and important of rules.

“Fuck, FUCK!” Gavin forgot to take his morning piss, and his aching bladder was distended against the waistband of his jeans, filled to the brim with his water from the previous evening. How could he forget? He never forgot! It was a system he followed to every dotted i and crossed t. It was a system he had to create due to a little series of health problems he developed as a child under the harsh tyranny of his abusive father. His doctor told him it stemmed from the bastard forcing himself to hold is water as a child, and he could recall with a shudder many nights he was forced to stand in a corner for the man’s amusement, hand shoved down the front of his pants as his tiny body trembled to desperately hold everything in. Add that with forcing himself to hold his bladder in his teen years due to silly fears and tip-toeing around the house trying to keep his need discreet, and it left the organ’s muscles weak and torn. The only fix at this point was surgery, something that Gavin wasn’t prepared for. He couldn’t give an answer as to why. Maybe he thought he deserved to suffer that much. Maybe suffering and the reality of his condition was just _that_ programmed in his brain. Besides, he had his system to make sure he kept his bladder well purged. No one could know, not a soul. He refused to have this used against him.

Well, unfortunately, his system only worked when he remembered to follow his own rules. He hasn’t forgotten in fucking years, but now he was sitting in slow ass traffic, panting, pulling the waist of his jeans away from the swell of piss bulging out his abdomen.

“Oh come ON ALREADY YOU SLOW ASS MOTHERFUCKER! GET OFF THE ROAD!”

He just had to get to the precinct. Simple. Get to the precinct, take a leak, no one would be any the wiser. Flawless plan. It took about 30 minutes for him to arrive at his destination, and the anticipation of relieving himself of night old urine had him absolutely frantic in his seat, shimmying his hips as he grit his teeth. Just a couple more minutes, a few hundred feet to get inside and to the bathroom. Cake. Easy. Well, maybe not easy, but doable. Gavin eased himself out of his car after parking haphazardly in his rush, and after he gave his cock a quick tug through his jeans, he started his stiff-legged march into the building. One more minute. Just one more—

“Reed!”

Gavin jerked his head about, eyes wandering lost for a moment in his single-minded focus on making it to the toilets, but they finally fell on one Captain Fowler, whose face meant all business, no wiggle room. What the fuck did he do now?!

“You better have that report on your desk finished within the hour, and you’ll bring it and your sorry ass into my office!”

“Look, just—”

“Get to it then!”

Great. Of fucking course. He forgot about that report. Gavin had all intentions of coming in early this morning to finish it. He had been feeling pretty worn down last night, so shoved the work off for later. Wouldn’t have been a big deal if he hadn’t also slept through his alarm and pushed off taking a leak. Leak. He was going to leak. The very thought of sitting at his desk to fill out this damn report was unbearable. But Fowler was watching him through the damn glass walls of his office. The detective was trapped with no option. He rushed to his desk, throwing himself down into his chair before pressing his hand between his groin and the leather of his seat, pressing so hard it pretty much hurt. So he had to finish this report, then get through some soul crushing meeting with the Captain, then he could piss, right?

_You worthless piece of shit! Hold it! You’re not some baby in a diaper! Are you crying, sonny? Shut the fuck up already._

Gavin shuddered, feeling his pelvic floor’s hold on his urine slipping long enough for a wetness to seep into the cotton of his boxers. He hadn’t been this close to pissing himself in broad daylight in front of so many prying eyes since he was little. He promised himself to never be in a position for that to happen again. He didn’t want to be punished like that again. He didn’t want to feel fear like that again. Rationally he should know his father could no longer hurt him. And yet there was something in the back of his mind, the little child’s voice that told him those monstrous claws could dig into his life all over again.

“Ok, ok, get a fucking grip.”

And Gavin did. At least for a short while. But his desperation seemed to distort time. Before he knew it, the Captain was calling him into the office. That couldn’t be right. It couldn’t possibly have been an hour! He wasn’t finished. He was nowhere near finished. Great. He had an even longer lecture to look forward to now, didn’t he? He wasn’t sure how long he could last out. But did he have a choice? Fuck his bladder was going to rip right in half, wasn’t it? Removing his hand, the detective made the slow, agonizing walk up to the office, ignoring the concerned looks he was receiving from both Connor and Hank. This didn’t concern them, and it didn’t concern Fowler. This was his own personal battle, one he’s fought for far too long, and one he’ll fight until the day he dies. Because only then would he be free of his father’s shadow.

“Reed, what in the hell do you think you’re doing, huh? Look, you’ve been doing good about turning your career around, but you came in late, and you didn’t finish your report last night! You already have too many write ups this month, you’re up for a suspension! Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Gavin did. Oh he had so fucking much to say. But all he wanted right now was to make it out of this little meeting with his dignity intact. He hovered stiffly by the door, sweat beading on his forehead as he felt piss leak slowly yet relentlessly into his boxers. Fuck, he swore he could smell it, too.

“You have nothing to say? Absolutely nothing.”

“Captain, look, give me a minute and we can talk—”

“We’re talking now Detective Reed! No one in this precinct is going to be allowed to skate by with this bullshit anymore! Especially you and Anderson! The whole world has their eyes on us and we have to be in top form.”

Gavin couldn’t hear Fowler’s words. It was like everything was tunneling out, and his sole focus was to leave the office, race off to the bathroom, and spare himself a full-on accident. Fuck this meeting, fuck caring about the suspension, fuck everything. He made to turn to the door, hand reaching for the handle, when suddenly a pair of hands grabbed him by the front of his hoodie. And with a surprising force he was slammed up against the corner of the office, one angry Captain Fowler bearing down over him with frustration and disappointment boiling over.

“You aren’t going anywhere until you answer for yourself Reed!”

Gavin could suddenly feel a sick lurching shift under his feet, the room not quite how he remembered the Captain’s office to be. Since when were there wooden walls? And the stench of booze and cigarette smoke. Where was it coming from? He started to look around frantically, taking in an all too familiar yet distant surrounding, one that simply couldn’t be possible. No, no he wasn’t back there, he—

_“I told you..to hold it, sonny boy.”_

Gavin’s eyes darted to the face hovering in front of him, and to his absolute horror he was met with feral green eyes and yellow teeth twisted up into a disgusting sneer.

“N-No…d-dad I’m trying…d-dad I can’t hold it!”

_“Well…you know what happens when you embarrass me like this…”_

Gavin twisted in his ‘father’s’ hold, shaking down into a crouch when his body suddenly refused to obey his demands any longer. His bladder emptied out all over the floor, soaking his pants, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was suddenly a child again, twisting in his father’s grasp deeper into the corner of the room, sobbing loudly. He loved his father. Why did he always treat him like this? Why didn’t he love him?

“Dad please…p-please!”

\----------------------

The sudden commotion from the Captain’s office had every officer watching at first in shock, then concern, then they felt far too embarrassed for the poor detective to continue to watch. They instead found an excuse to leave their desks, everyone except for Hank and Connor, who could see the Captain backpedaling from the mistake he had made. Connor was the first to leap into action, rushing up to the office to find Gavin curled up in a crouch on the floor, a sobbing and hysterical mess. This was beyond simple embarrassment. The brief mention of his lover’s childhood came to mind, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it at the time. I figured perhaps when he was more comfortable the conversation would come up. The android didn't know the trauma ran this deeply. 

“I didn’t think he’d lose it like this! Shit…knew he should have been going to those appointments.”

“Please…d-dad…”

Both Connor and the Captain looked upon the mess of a man, expression holding a sort of childlike quality that was honestly alarming, and yet explained so much. It at least did for the android; Gavin was in the middle of a regression, dissociating from his current reality into one of his traumatizing past. He didn’t see any of them. All he saw was the source of his pain and abuse and likely the home he used to reside in, not the office, not his lover or his Captain. He knew he needed to defuse this, he needed to bring Gavin back to himself.

“Holy fuck, Reed?”

Hank walking in on the scene was a big mistake. Connor didn’t have the time to sort through the why’s, not when his heart was breaking due to the detective’s reaction. A long, drawn out wail tore from his throat, and he tried to back up further into the corner.

“D-Dad I’m sorry! I…I tried! I promise!”

“Hank! Please, wait outside of the office.”

Connor could tell that the Lieutenant was having conflicting thoughts. On the one hand, as a father, he wanted nothing more than to give comfort to the poor, suffering Gavin. And yet, he also knew there was likely little to nothing he could do while he was actually dissociating. So much to the android’s relief, his partner did what was best and left the office, taking a guilt ridden Captain Fowler along with him. That just left the two of them; Connor, and a detective that was lost in the throes of his past, not seeing, not comprehending.

“Gavin? Gavin, I need you to listen to me. Look at me.”

Connor held up his hand, allowing the skin to shimmer away and reveal his outer, plastic shell. He took a cautious step forward, watching intently as Gavin looked up with terrified, bloodshot eyes. The man focused on the plastic hand, and some sense of recognition registered there, or at least the understanding that an android could not be his father. Good. He knew that given enough time, his lover could sort through the haze if he were cautious and patient. Being in the presence of his father was mutually exclusive from being in the presence of an android if they were the only two in the room. He had to prove there was no possible way for him to be back in the house of his youth.

“Gavin, do you know who I am? Where you are? I’m going to come a little closer. Let me know if that’s not alright with you.”

“I…y-you are…not my dad? Where’s my…dad?”

“You’re right, I’m not your father. Do you know where your father is? Really think on it Gavin.”

Connor watched as the detective tried to sort out his fractured mind, the glaze starting to lift from his eyes by small fractions.

“He…is not here. He..he’s at work? No, he…I’m…not…”

Connor moved closer, crouching low to the ground now, soft brown eyes beseeching, begging his lover to remember. He knew the detective could do this, and the sooner the better unfortunately due to where his hysterics episode wound up happening. They unfortunately didn’t have time to take this nice and easy in the middle of the precinct.

“Come on, Gavin. Think. I’m right here. I’ll help you. Just…take a moment.”

Closer, closer. Connor was now sitting right in front of Gavin, and he took advantage of being so to reach out and place a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder. There was a quick flinch, but he didn’t pull away. He still seemed very far off, but he was becoming more and more present. That was progress, good progress.

“He…he isn’t here. I’m…at the precinct. And you…you’re Connor… _my_ Connor...”

Connor couldn’t help the fond smile that he returned to Gavin’s, which was smaller and shaky, but it was there regardless. Well, for a brief moment, until everything that happened must have started dawning on him. Because the detective looked down at the floor around them, and his face took on a deep shade of red.

“Oh…fuck…me…k-kind of hoped that was a fucking fever dream…I can't fucking believe I...fuuuuck…"

Connor wrapped his arm around the man's shoulders, letting a hand drift up to that tear-stained face to wipe away the wetness. He could see the shame and embarrassment on the poor man's face, but tension was starting to melt from his shoulders.

"It's alright, Gavin. But I am...concerned about your emotional well-being. You really should speak with someone about your past. A professional...or me, if you think that would help. But I don't want you to continue to suffer with this in your head alone anymore."

"I've done it my whole life hun...not gonna be easy for me to just--"

"I know...these things take time, and I'll be here to give you all the time you need."

Connor could see something light up in the man's eyes, a softness, a sense of trust (no matter how tentative), and relief. It was all out in the open, no more hiding because there was nowhere  _to_ hide. But he was going to show Gavin there was no need to hide anymore, because he was going to make sure no one hurt him like this again. This time, the good things were here to stay, and he would spend the detective's entire lifetime showing him just that.


End file.
